I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
