You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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