If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think my moral compass just broke
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
