Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
