isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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