just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
