Do you still have your period?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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