Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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