you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
