Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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