Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
