Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
