You really coming over, don't trick.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My ass is underappreciated
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
