Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
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At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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