I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
