Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
