Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
