Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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