how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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