so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
