Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
