Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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