At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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