I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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