I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
