i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
