i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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