Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize