The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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