Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
