The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
