And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
