she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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