Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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