and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
