I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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