His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize