Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
