I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
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You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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