Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
