How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
