saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
