benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
