Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
