Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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