I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
