i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
