you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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