I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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