i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize