Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
