U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
