Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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