I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
