I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
