i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
