Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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