my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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