he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
