I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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