U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
