if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
