Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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