I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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