i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
