I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
