I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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