i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
