in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
