weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
