watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
