ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
