fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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