She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
