My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
